CAUGHT, NOT JUST TAUGHT

November 1, 2026

One of the things parenting has taught me is how imperfect I really am! I have quickly learned that parenting is a sanctifying process. One that is never fully completed on this side of eternity. But I have also learned that we as parents have a great responsibility in helping to set the path our kids will follow. We are not responsible for their salvation; we can’t make that choice for them! But our words and our actions hold a lot of weight in teaching them habits and priorities that will guide them throughout their life. We have seen this play out in a couple of areas recently with our kids.

From very early on in our marriage, we have tried to be intentional about appreciating one another for the things we do, recognizing that everything we do is a choice. We are choosing to do the dishes, go grocery shopping, clean the bathroom, etc. Everything one of us chooses to do is one less thing the other has to do! But we try hard not to take for granted what the other person does around the house. The reality is that either of us could do nothing and leave the other to do everything on their own! We have found that appreciating the things that the other person does by simply saying “thank you” is a life-giving practice within our marriage! Since this has become a normal practice for Sam and me, we have also seen it become a habit for our kids.

One evening we sat down for dinner and I got plates dished up for the kids. Tali, our oldest, looked at me and said, “Thank you for making this delicious dinner for us, mom!” Unprompted, no expectation from us that she says thank you, just a desire in her to appreciate something that I had done for her. While we do talk with our kids about why it is important to appreciate people for the things they do, it’s not something that we require from them or demand that they do. It is something that we have modeled for them and they’ve slowly, over the years, begun to make a habit in their lives as well.

We have also noticed this play out when it comes to Spiritual practices. We live close to a fire station, so we frequently hear emergency vehicles traveling to emergencies around town. One afternoon we were sitting in the living room, and we heard an ambulance go past. Zylah looked at me and said, “Mom, we should pray for them! That God would help them feel better.” So, we did! We stopped what we were doing and prayed for whoever the ambulance was going to help. One afternoon, not too long after that, Tali asked if we could pray for a scrape she had just gotten on her knee. My temptation was to brush it off, thinking to myself, “It’s just a little scrape, I think it’ll be ok.” Thankfully I caught myself before the words escaped my mouth and instead responded with, “Absolutely! God would love for us to talk to Him about that!” As I walked into the living room where she was, I asked Zylah if she wanted to join me in praying for Tali. She gladly stopped what she was doing to pray for her sister. Learning to incorporate Spiritual Disciplines into everyday life is an ongoing process for all of us! 

We have tried hard to teach our kids that prayer is important. But just as importantly, we have chosen to take time in our daily life to practice this with them. We have taken time to pause and pray for the people who are in trouble or hurt or taken time to pray over a family member or friend when they feel anxious or have been hurt (even if it’s small!)

Since we have made these things priorities in our family, we now see the fruit of that in our kids. We see them asking to pray for their sibling when they get hurt or asking to pray for a friend when they are sad or offering a “thank you” when someone at the store holds a door for them. They have started to cultivate these habits in their own lives. Not because we are perfect at this! In fact, we have worked hard with Tali on what words are kind and unkind. “Stupid” being an unkind word that we don’t use when we’re talking about people. Now frequently while driving down the road and I call a stoplight or stop sign stupid, I hear from the back seat, “Mom! You said stupid! That is not a kind word. Try picking a new one.”  They have learned that these things are important!

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Teaching our kids is important. Guiding and directing them in the way they should go is our main role as their parents! But, almost as important, is modeling those things for them in the way we are living our lives. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:1 “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Our priorities and values should be on display in all that we do so that when our kids look at us, they see Christ modeled for them.

I have found that I can say something to my kids over and over and over again and it doesn’t seem to make a difference. But when paired with actions that they are seeing or, better yet, can be a part of alongside me, it has a far bigger impact on them.

Something that I have been reflecting on lately that I would challenge you to reflect on as well, what values and priorities do your kids see modeled when they look at you? Are they seeing you spend time in the Word? Are they seeing you in prayer? Are they seeing you turn to God when things get hard? Are they seeing you model appreciation, forgiveness, kindness, and patience? Now, I am certainly not perfect at any of these things myself! Remember, that sanctification thing we talked about at the beginning? It’s a process! But I have been reminded lately that my actions matter. And sometimes they even have a bigger impact on my kids than the things I am verbally teaching them.