Choose Wisely

October 1, 2025

Sometimes we are dealt a tough hand in life. We may have had a tough upbringing or have suffered an unexpected loss. There are situations that happen to us that we can’t control, but we can choose how to respond to those tough situations. We can choose the path towards healing by leaning on Jesus in prayer and His Word. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, we can choose to fall into despair and go on a path of destruction, destroying ourselves and our loved ones.

A few months ago, Bev and I traveled to Duluth to help and attend a Celebration of Life for a beloved relative. He led the hard life of a functional alcoholic as he grew up in a one-bar-and-grill town, the kind of town where heavy drinking is the norm. Fortunately, the last few years he was sober, living at a senior residence and was able to help in small ways and reconnected with his siblings. Unfortunately, the previous years had estranged him from his children and ex-wife.

Friday was the usual gathering with barbecue sandwiches, salads, desserts and fellowship with visiting friends and family. Many stories were told, and old times were revisited. Saturday, a few of us from the Celebration gathered at the cemetery to see a small grave had been prepared by the ground keeper to receive the black onyx urn containing his ashes. All commented on how it was done with care and thoughtfulness. Time was spent talking more about the old days while waiting for possibly more to show up. It was not to be. Soon, his sister came to me with tear-filled eyes and asked if I would say a few words. This would be a first for me. I said I would be honored. I touched on the hard life he led, but how he finished well, and ended with a prayer. During the drive home, I mentioned to Bev how sad it was that other family had not shown up for the Celebration or internment. She reminded me of how hard he had made life for them.

This was not the first time someone close to me or my family would die prematurely from substance abuse. A short time ago a friend died at age 57. He had abused his health with alcohol and substance abuse twice in his short life. He spent his late teens and early 20’s following a rock band on tour and living out of cars. He had quit the drugs for several years only to be pulled back into addiction by a back injury. When I first met this friend, he started to work in local missions. He gave his life entirely over to Christ and moved his family out of state to run a mission site. He became an ordained Baptist Minister and he and his family moved back to Minnesota. He was hired as a youth minister of a Presbyterian Church. He started a street ministry to help rescue homeless teens and formed a non-profit board to establish a shelter for these teens. While renovating the building he injured his back and the downward spiral began. The pain meds escalated to heroin.

During this journey his wife and family tried in vain to rescue him. Twice, he went to an addiction rehab facility. Twice his family sprung him from the program early thinking he had been cured because he was an expert on addiction. Sadly, this freedom was shortly lived as friends were noticing missing medication after being visited by him.

Once I visited my friend at the rehab center. He had a gifting of inspiring others and saying what you hoped to hear. Many people there thought he would have such a powerful testimony when he got out. I however questioned; did he realize the damage to his life from this addiction? We talked about the focus of rehab programs. And it was clear to me that he had not created a support group or realized the depth of damage his addiction had caused.

Tragically, his family was torn apart. A few months later my friend came to see me. The visit was the familiar dance of addiction and sobriety. Then he said he was worried he might run out of gas. I told him I would follow him down to the gas station and fill up his tank. He said that he would be asking too much of me, but could I give him some cash. I smiled and shook my head; we both knew the music had ended and the dance was over. That was the last time I saw him alive.

The following is a poem that reflects the story above:

Like flowers that have always been there, taken for granted,

unseen I assumed he would always be there, I for him, he for me

Challenges in life come and go some we survive others not so

There were mountains looming in the distance, and how were we to know

It seemed like a small hill, not hard to climb at all

Just a bump in the road of life, would it matter if he would fall

But it was something in his past that would find its way back

And turned out to be fatal for my friend’s track

Families grow together, joys and pains shared the same,

Time rolls along unnoticed like the sunshine and the rain.

Then I find myself trying to catch a bus speeding away from its stop,

All of my efforts of each falling short, never to reach the top,

of the mountain that has arrived,

one that he would not survive.

You try to love someone, even when their love has turned to something new

And you try to understand why all their decisions only make you feel blue.

So you turn away despite the sadness and longing in their eyes,

You can’t understand the reasons and can’t explain why.

So the elephant in the room starts to crush everyone and everything in sight,

It’s the situation you want to go away, but it’s he that disappears into a long dark night. But the longing and the fear is always there; it never leaves

Nor does the hopes and prayers that one day, he would finally see.

Desperation to cash in on old friendships with obvious schemes and lies

Only cause disappointment while inside our spirit cries.

His isolation is unwanted, but no blame can be placed on those

Who tried so hard to help, not to enable but in the end, had to let go

So I turn with a smile,

my own little lie,

I shake his hand and wish,

My friend good luck and good-bye.

As for me, the first time I quit drinking was in Tech school. I thought the drinking was getting out of hand, so I quit for a few months. The second time I quit while playing in a variety band. The other two members could drink like fish, and I could feel my liver being punished. The pattern became, I start, quit again, start again and escalate from beer and wine to brandy or bourbon. Praise God, I took my last intentional drink at my mother’s birthday party in 2015.

Fast forward to an accidental incident a few years ago. I bought a 15 pack of my favorite non-alcoholic beer, with 0.0%. It was a promotional deal of 15 for the price of 12. I came in from mowing the lawn and grabbed a can from the pack, popped the lid and took a large swallow. I thought it was exceptionally good for NA and took another drink. I thought this has way too much flavor. I looked at the can and realized the beer company in their infinite wisdom was attempting to get regular beer drinkers to taste their NA by offering three of them for free with the purchase of a 12 pack. I stared at the sweating can in my hand and knew I had a choice to make, drink it, or pour it out. My mind reasoned I am already into it now, why not finish it? But I also knew if I did, I would finish another two or more before Bev came home. I dumped it out and gave the rest of the real beer away.

I have been blessed by God and a loving wife who watch over me. I stopped before any real damage happened. Unfortunately, others wait until the fun becomes an addiction, a medication needed to function and later to survive. All praise and glory to God and thank you to my wife Bev.

For it says in the Bible:

1 Peter 5:8

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Titus 2:11-12

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.

Galatians 5:1

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

With whatever tough situation you may be dealing with in life, go to God and trust in Him that He will carry you through. I found hope and new life in Jesus. And you can do the same!

Surround yourself with fellow believers that you trust and can lean on as well. There’s a great program at Friendship Church called Celebrate Recovery that can help with your hurts, habits and hangups. Pray to the Lord and seek out community before it’s too late.

To learn more about Celebrate Recovery, you can visit friendshipmn.org/celebrate